i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
