your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
