Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
