I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
