He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
