hotel room ftw
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
