Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Randomize
