Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
