I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
