what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
