Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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