stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
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I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
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Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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