He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
