I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
