I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
