i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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