are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
