you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
