Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
