No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
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