He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
