all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
