My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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