My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
