dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
