My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
