I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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