Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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