i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
