He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
