I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
