In the future we'll all be gay
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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