I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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