Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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