I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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