It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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