***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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