it wasn't lemon gatorade
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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