i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
