Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
