I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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