quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
