Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
