the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
