I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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