I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
