I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
