my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Actions speak louder than pants.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
