I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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