So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
