I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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