I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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