i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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