Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
