you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
