I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
