he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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