watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Success! We fucked roommates!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
