Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
