i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
