I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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