You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
