She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
