does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She tied me up with her honor cords...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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