Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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