So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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