Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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