My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
