I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
