Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
