Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
