Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
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How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
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No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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