I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
