just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
