happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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